


don't you know that you're toxic?

by voidcine



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:19:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22440184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidcine/pseuds/voidcine
Summary: Beca can't think straight anymore. Chloe says the kiss was just to create a distraction so that they could escape. But was it?
Relationships: Ashley Jones/Jessica Smith, Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale/Chicago Walp, Stacie Conrad/Aubrey Posen
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> if ur looking for a finished fic then dont bother im only moving my unfinished fics from ff.net here in case i ever feel like continuing them but until then theyre on hiatus.. to anyone whos still willing to read uve been warned bechloe stans
> 
> p.s; if anyone reading this has read my previous works pls know this was written a long time ago and my style has changed a lot since then in case u dont find this as good as the others

"That performance was lovely but I'm afraid time's up."

They had just finished the song and Fat Amy still hadn't shown up. Her criminal father's patience ran out and they needed to do something fast. However, Chloe's mind was elsewhere. At the beginning of this trip, she had promised herself that she would finally spill her guts out to Beca at some point after reading a quote that really touched her.

_'We have feelings that are not visible, we do things to prevent ourselves from being miserable. Being honest is what makes us believable, for our feelings may not always be reachable.'_

Chloe was planning on being honest to Beca. But that can't happen now can it? Or maybe it can.

"Wait! I need to do something first." Chloe yelled out much to the old man's annoyance.

Chloe approached Beca and moved her head closer to hers. Beca sat frozen from confusion. Chloe leaned in so her forehead could rest against Beca's. They closed their eyes. Both their breaths were shaking. All eyes were on them.

"Please go with it." Chloe said in barely above a whisper.

"What?" Beca replied, her voice low.

"Just trust me." The ginger's voice wavered, exhilarated from the tension between them.

Chloe knew Beca didn't love her back, but she couldn't resist anymore. She leaned in a little closer, their foreheads still touching. Dear god, she couldn't fight against the thoughts that were going through her. Beca's very smell was flooding her senses.

Unexpectedly, Chloe's hand drifted to Beca's hip. It settled there and pulled her closer. She inhaled sharply. She was against her warm chest. _Must she be so perfect?_ Beca splayed her hand against Chloe's chest, intending to push her away, but instead she left it there. Chloe's breathing quickened as did Beca's. Chloe began nuzzling her neck with delicate kisses. So faint, they were whispers. Beca urged herself to push her away, but couldn't. Warmth radiated from the spot where Chloe's lips just touched her neck, slowly spreading through the rest of her. Her limp body began to tremble uncontrollably. Her head was angled slightly to the side as Chloe's lips came closer and closer to hers. Beca was surprised to find her own lips parted. Their breaths mingled. Beca's heart fluttered inside her chest. Then Chloe's arms encircled her.

Chloe's lips brushed Beca's. Not innocently like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. Beca wanted to pull away before she lost herself but she couldn't seem to… In that moment, her senses had been seduced and she could no longer think straight.

"Beca." Chloe whispered slowly, prolonging each letter as if to savor them. Beca smiled, her heart fluttering at her voice as she clasped her hands on either side of Chloe's face. Never before had the brunette's name ever felt so wonderful as she leaned in.

Beca stared deep into her ocean blue eyes. Chloe cupped her cheek that was slowly turning red. The brunette smiled at her before slowly leaning in even more. Chloe's other hand was shaking slightly, her mind was repeating the same sentence over and over; "Don't do this... Don't do this." But the sound of her heart was beating so loudly she couldn't concentrate. It felt like it was going to explode. Similar to how Beca was feeling.

The next thing she knew, Chloe had slammed her lips to hers and nearly knocked all wind from her lungs. Chloe kissed Beca and sparks flew in every direction. The world was slowly disappearing around them, along with all of their worries, their troubles and their problems. It made them feel like none of that mattered. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words could never be. Chloe's hand rested below Beca's ear, her thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingled.

It was a small yet warm kiss. They honestly never knew a kiss so innocent could be so intimate and electrifying. Chloe's lips were moving in perfect sync, her hands feeling Beca's waist. Chloe ran her fingers down Beca's spine, pulling her closer until there was no space left between them and she could feel the beating of her heart against her chest. She pulled her closer, the kiss deeper, more passionate. Beca felt her hands on the back of her neck play with the ends of her hair. A smile grew on her face as it started to tickle.

Beca was completely unprepared. You would think that after all the time she'd spent with Chloe - watching her talk, laugh and frown - that she would know all there was to know about her lips. But she hadn't imagined how warm they would feel pressed up against her own

This was not what Beca thought would happen when Chloe said to 'please go with it' but she certainly wasn't going to object. Chloe's lips were warm and tasted of mint; she had obviously been chewing gum earlier. Her hands were wrapped around the smaller girl's waist and hers locked around Chloe's neck, pulling her down slightly. When they broke apart for air, Beca rested her forehead against Chloe's - not noticing how everyone was looking on in awe and silence - and gathered some much needed oxygen. Chloe's smirk told Beca everything and she smiled back, sinking into her hold.

And that was when Fat Amy finally made her presence felt as she dropped down from the ceiling, fire extinguisher in hand. Beca and Chloe broke apart due to being startled as Fat Amy sprayed the fire extinguisher all over their opposition, yelling out 'Freedom!' in the process. The remaining Bellas took it as their cue to escape, quickly jumping over board into the water while the boat began to fell apart.

Before jumping, Chloe looked back to find Beca struggling to get Fat Amy to follow them. However, when the petite brunette finally succeeded, she tripped, Amy falling all over her. Beca looked up to find Chloe still on the boat and let out a groan.

"Chloe, just go!" Beca exclaimed loudly enough for Chloe to hear. The ginger wasn't having any of it.

"The hell I will!" Chloe responded before rushing towards them, struggling to push Amy off of the girl she's been in love with for years.

"Leave while you still can!" Beca added to her previous statement, receiving the same answer.

"Don't you dare think for a second I'm leaving you!" Chloe said before finally pulling Amy off and soon enough Beca. But as soon as Beca stood up, she nearly fell over, figuring she sprained her ankle after tripping. "Oh fuck it." Chloe acted on instinct and lifted Beca up bridal style, thanking god for the brunette being so small. Chloe and Amy then proceeded to finally jump over board right before the boat imploded. Beca was struggling in the water with her bad leg but Chloe immediately put her arm around her in order to support her weight. "Don't worry. I got you." Chloe whispered into Beca's ear.

Their eyes locked once again and it felt like they were seeing each other in a whole new light. Beca's breathing hitched in her throat and she momentarily forgot how to use her words. "Thanks" was the only thing she could get out at that moment. It was returned by a simple smile on Chloe's part. "What are friends for?" added Chloe, Beca slightly wincing at the term 'friend' but she still managed to shake it off and smile back.

Helicopters arrived soon enough and took them away from where their first and hopefully not their last kiss happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Beca took a deep breath as she waited for DJ Khaled to finish his speech. This was it. This was what everything had led to. She still felt a tinge of guilt for doing this as a solo act despite all the Bellas' encouragements including a certain redhead she could not get out of her mind since that night. She tried to get a sneak peek at the front row and there _she_ was with _his_ arm around her.

Beca watched as Chloe turned to Chicago with the biggest smile on her face. How could she be happy when she felt so sad? Part of her wanted the ginger to feel her pain too, so she wouldn't be so lonely with it, but part of her was glad she couldn't. It wasn't worth it. Beca's eyes suddenly swam with tears and she hurried to scrub them from her face before they surfaced. She knew tears would lead to sympathy, and sympathy would lead to more tears.

When Chloe kissed Beca, her brain lit on fire and the warmth spread throughout her entire body. After that, her feelings got even more messed up than they already were when it came to Chloe. Beca couldn't bear not to be with her and she could barely breathe when she was around her. She had never felt the way she felt during any other kiss. Even though she didn't show it, Beca knew if she lost Chloe, then she'd lose herself.

Sadly, before Beca even finished processing the kiss, Chloe mentioned how happy she was with how well the small brunette went along with the distraction. _It was just a distraction. It didn't mean anything to her so it shouldn't mean anything to you. Get your head out of your ass, Mitchell._ That was what she kept telling herself but she wasn't convinced. Chemistry like that just can't be faked. Beca might not know it yet but that kiss _did_ mean something to Chloe. A lot more than she thinks.

When she heard her name called out by DJ Khaled, Beca snapped out of her thoughts and made her way on stage in front of the setup microphone. She took a second to look at the front row where she found all the Bellas' smiling faces including Chloe who was grinning from ear to ear. Beca forced a smile when her eyes fell on Chloe, not wanting it to be obvious she's bothered by the person sitting next to her. A few more seconds passed until the music started playing.

_Heaven knows I was just a young boy  
Didn't know what I wanted to be  
I was every little hungry schoolgirl's pride and joy  
And I guess it was enough for me_

_To win the race, a prettier face  
Brand new clothes and a big fat place  
On your rock and roll TV_

_But today the way I play the game is not the same, no way  
I think I'm gonna get me some happy_

As she finished that part, Beca approached the Bellas in the front row and grabbed Fat Amy's hand to lead her to the stage, continuing to sing with the Bellas joining in for some parts as they all got on stage together for possibly the very last time.

_I think there's something you should know  
(I think it's time I told you so)  
There's something deep inside of me  
(There's someone else I've got to be)  
Take back your picture in a frame  
(Take back your singing in the rain)_

_I just hope you understand  
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man_

Beca had a particular man in mind when she sang that last lyric.

_All we have to do now  
Is take these lies and make them true, somehow  
All we have to see  
Is that I don't belong to you  
And you don't belong to me, yeah_

_Freedom, I won't let you down  
Freedom, I will not give you up  
Freedom, gotta have some faith  
Gotta have some faith in the sound_

All those words were being directed not only at the Bellas but at one member specifically.

_I think there's something you should know  
(I think it's time I told you so)  
There's something deep inside of me  
(There's someone else I've got to be)  
Take back your picture in a frame  
(Take back your singing in the rain)_

_I just hope you understand  
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man_

_Eh eh eh eh eh (Oh)  
Eh eh eh eh eh (I will not let you down)  
Eh eh eh eh eh_

_Freedom  
Freedom  
Freedom (Freedom, freedom)  
Gotta have some faith in the sound_

_Have some freedom (Have some freedom, oh)  
Freedom  
Freedom (Freedom)_

_All we have to do now (All we can do)  
Is take these lies and make them true somehow  
All we have to see (Oh)  
Is that I don't belong to you  
And you don't belong to me (Freedom)_

Emotions were running high as Beca stepped up to finish the song, meaning every word of it.

_I won't let you down  
I will not give you up  
Gotta have some faith in the sound  
It's the one good thing that I've got_

_I won't let you down_  
I will not give you up  
It's the one good thing that I've got

The crowd erupted into a fit of cheers as the song ended. Beca broke out into the biggest grin as she turned around only to be instantly embraced by Chloe first and soon enough the remaining Bellas. But Beca only cared about Chloe. She held onto her so tight as if she was afraid the redhead would disappear somehow if she let go for even a second.

Beca was so overcome with emotion that she hadn't even noticed there were tear tracks running down her cheeks. She had to resist the urge to pout once Chloe let go but she was able to hold herself back once she saw the other girl's proud and smiling face. She could've kissed her. Beca could've done it right then and there but she didn't. She didn't want to ruin the moment in case her feelings weren't reciprocated. But she promised herself she'd do it today to get it over with. She'd do it once they returned backstage.

Unfortunately, the Bellas all went backstage together and Beca lost Chloe. The small brunette silently cursed herself for not paying attention to where the redhead was going. She figured Aubrey would probably know where her best friend already went off to so she approached.

"Hey, Aubrey. Do you know where Chloe went?" Beca asked, clearly impatient.

"She told me she got a text from Chicago telling her to meet up with him over there somewhere." Aubrey pointed to where Chloe was told to meet up with Chicago.

Beca's eyes slightly widened when she heard Chicago's name. She could already feel her chance with Chloe slipping away. Without saying another word, Beca took off in the direction Aubrey pointed at as quickly as possible but it was too late when she got there. Her face fell once she saw Chloe being held in _his_ arms as they shared a very passionate kiss.

Beca knew when it started it would break her. She knew that there was too much at stake. She felt more connected to Chloe than any man she had ever met. She loved the feel of her arms, her touch, her embrace, but it killed Beca that she may have just lost Chloe for good. She felt sad.

But sad sounded so childish, like something flimsy, something one should be able to cast off with a happy reflection or the smile of a friend. It's not how it works though. She felt emotionally bankrupt. The was nothing left to feel, nothing left to say, nothing left but the void that enveloped her mind in swirling blackness.

As much as she felt Chloe betrayed her rare affections and left her heart in a shattered disarray of pieces, she couldn't stop loving her. Every single time Chloe "stole" a part of Beca, it made it impossible for the smaller girl to put herself together. Beca didn't know what to do so she just dug her nails into her palms. She gripped on so tightly despite the fact that they were becoming sore. My nails dug deep to give herself a better grasp, to give herself one more hope that she would succeed in getting Chloe. A tear rolled down her cheek, but she didn't care.

The nausea swirled unrestrained in her empty stomach. Her head swam with half-formed regrets. Her heart felt as if her blood had become tar as it struggled to keep a steady beat. Her bad mood hung over her like a black cloud, raining her personal sorrow down on her. She would describe her heartache as like an insatiable fire that burnt all the oxygen in my body leaving her listless and empty. Her heartache was like a wolf eating at her chest, tearing its way to her trembling heart.

It felt like a red hot coal was placed in her chest, it glowed and burnt her at the same time, but it did not cool quickly like a coal in water, it throbbed and tortured her and there was no relief to be found. No more tears would come. Her insides still felt as raw as if a winter wind was blowing right through her skin. The kiss haunted her, taunted her, and kept replaying in her mind like a broken record.

Chloe and Chicago broke apart from the kiss. The ginger looked to her side to find Beca and sent her a smile as she held onto Chicago. Beca quickly wiped away her tears and sent Chloe her most believable fake smile. Although, behind the masked smile she wore on her face, there was still sadness and shock. But Beca was strong. She had to be.

Beca considered it a cruelty that a heart can keep on beating even after it has been broken in two. It could feel as though it is being gripped in an ice cold vice and ache as if it will implode in your chest, but still it keeps beating.

Chloe skipped over to Beca and grabbed her hand, leading her back to the group without noticing anything wrong with her. But was Beca the only one hiding how she truly felt about the kiss?


	3. Chapter 3

It's been three years since it all went down. It's been years even though it feels like it was just yesterday. Fat Amy moved out of the apartment and bought a mansion in far away with all the money that was left for her. Chicago left the army and was planning on moving in with Chloe while Beca was still struggling to process the kiss. She couldn't stand the fact she had become his girl.

Beca had to leave for work with DJ Khaled anyway so she decided to slip out behind Chloe's back right before Chicago showed up. However, Chloe caught her before she could. All of that three years ago.

_"Hey, where are you going?" Beca jumped at the sound of Chloe's voice and dropped all her luggage. "And why do you have your suitcase packed?"_

_"Oh, um, I didn't tell you? I'm moving out now because DJ Khaled has this thing planned." Beca bit her lip, hoping Chloe would buy it and just drop it._

_"You were going to leave without telling me?" The look of hurt flashed through Chloe's eyes. Beca hated seeing that look on her face._

_"I just didn't want to ruin your mood. You've been going on and on about how today's the day Chicago's finally moving in." Beca had to resist the urge to roll her eyes._

_"So you're saying I don't care about you and that I would've just ignored the fact you disappeared just because I have my boyfriend here with me?" Chloe wasn't going to let it go._

_"Pretty much." Beca muttered under her breath._

_"What?" But Chloe heard it._

_"Okay, do you want to know the real reason I didn't tell you I was leaving?" Chloe nodded as she crossed her arms, hiding the fact she was afraid the reason was that Beca got tired of her. "I'm leaving because I don't know how to control my fucking emotions ever since you kissed me and seeing you with Shitcago or whatever his name is kills me and I don't know how to make it stop. You have no idea how much seeing you kiss him hurt me." Beca took a deep breath before continuing. She wasn't going to cry. Not this time. "You make me feel things and it may have been just a distraction to you but that kiss meant something to me."_

_"I don't understand." Chloe was confused. Could it be possible Beca actually liked her back?_

_"I love you, Chloe Beale. I do and I've tried so hard to push these feelings away for all these years but they've only grown stronger." Beca wiped her eyes in case any tears fell, still wanting to show a badass exterior despite finally admitting her feelings. "So, if there's even a possibility you might like me back then just tell me now because I don't think I can -"_

_Beca's sentence was cut off when Chloe closed the distance between them. The kiss came out of nowhere. One minute Beca was spilling her guts out, the next she was kissing Chloe, her hand clasped gently into the back of her hair, pressing in softly. Chloe felt guilty for cheating on Chicago. Yeah, he was her boyfriend, but the love she had for Beca was special - one of a kind. After a few seconds, Chloe broke away and smiled._

_"I just had to do that, even if it's only once."_

_Right there and then, Beca was the one to close the distance this time, feeling Chloe's lips smile against hers. Chloe hardly had a moment to react before Beca pressed her tongue to the seam of her lips and, at Chloe's grant of access, delved inside her mouth. It was a very sloppy kiss but it felt just right. Beca's arms reached up and tangled around Chloe's neck and in an instant, Chloe had pulled away and arched up into Beca's chest, moaning at the contact of body heat against her own, before drawing back into her lips._

_Beca then swept Chloe's hair aside and kissed her just over the collarbone. The brunette nibbled at the redhead's ear, and then sank herself into her arms. Chloe hung her fingers on Beca's waistband, dragging her closer. The smaller girl buried her face in Chloe's shoulder curve, her hands flexing around her back. Beca gave a reduced groan._

_"I love you," into Chloe's hair. "This is the happiest I've been in so long."_

_"You're such a softie." Chloe teased as she held Beca closer._

_"No, I'm not. Shut up."_

_"It's fine because I am too. I lo-"_

_Just then, they abruptly broke apart once they heard the door handle being turned only to reveal Chicago walking in with his stuff and a dopey grin on his face. Chloe internally cursed herself for already giving Chicago a spare key but didn't show her frustration as she welcomed him by excitingly hugging him, Beca's face falling once she does._

_"I should get going." Beca said as she tried to hide any hint of disappointment in her voice. How could she possibly think Chloe would go for her after that?_

"Beca!" Chloe yelled out as she suddenly woke up panicked. She was having trouble breathing for a moment until she realized it was just another flashback. Chloe closed her eyes and took a deep inhaled breath. She's been waking up after having a flashback about Beca every single night ever since she said yes to Chicago's proposal. Could it be possible she still loved her?

"Hey, are you okay?" Chicago asked from the other side of the bed, not even bothering to lift his head from the pillow.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just had a nightmare about Beca." But was it?

"Well, you shouldn't have to worry about it. You'll see her at the engagement party tonight." Chloe let out a bittersweet laugh at that.

"I don't think she's coming."

"Damn right, I'm not coming." Beca exclaimed over the phone to Amy. "I mean who does she think she is? She thinks she can just break my heart and that I'll just gladly come to her engagement party to see her with the guy she chose over me."

"I know it was hard but that was three years ago. You have to get over it at some point."

"I don't care how long it's been. I'm not ready to see her."

"But Beca -"

Beca hung up. She didn't want to hear it. All she wanted to focus on today was recording the final song for her very first album. It had taken three years to get it done but she finally did it. Beca wanted it to be perfect and after what happened with Chloe, she struggled to focus. But eventually, she took all that hurt and used it for her songwriting. She hit a wall when she got to her last song but Chloe announcing her engagement gave her all that she needed to complete it. However, Beca wasn't okay.

"Hey, Beca." DJ Khaled greeted her as she walked into the recording studio. Beca mustered a fake smile to make it seem like she was actually happy. She was supposed to be. "Before we record that final song, I need you to listen to the last song we recorded it to know if we're good to go on that one." Beca nodded even though she didn't want to. It was about Chloe. Most of the songs were.

_Your mama likes me and she doesn't like anyone  
Your dumb drunk friends don't care for me  
Yeah, and I always told you so_

_I wish you didn't tell me I was special  
'Cause now it's far too hard to see through  
'Cause you shine brighter than morning  
At least I thought you did_

_I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I know I'm lonely but I won't come over  
I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I really thought that I was lucky_

_I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I know I'm lonely but I won't come over  
I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I really thought that I was lucky, fuck me_

"I know this is hard for you." Beca heard Theo whisper to her.

The two had become real close friends over the years. He instantly backed off with the advances when she explained her situation with Chloe and instead helped her cope. It always good to have someone with you through hard times and Beca needed that since she rarely talks to anyone from the Bellas anymore. They just reminded her of Chloe.

_I'm apathetic from this year long deficit  
You don't like drama so why you wanna live on top of it?_

_I'm sorry I don't hack your phone like he did  
And when you need space to breathe, I leave it  
But who needs space from across the country?  
I'm accustomed to feel like nothing, fuck me_

_I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I know I'm lonely but I won't come over  
I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I really thought that I was lucky_

_I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I know I'm lonely but I won't come over  
I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I really thought that I was lucky, fuck me_

"Thanks. It's nice to have someone around." Beca said as Theo smiled and gave her a look of encouragement.

_This line's here to make you think of Burbank  
And all our first firsts that we lived in LA  
I carried you down the stairs every day_

_This line's here to say fuck the 100  
Now out of state plates make me think of something  
This line's here to make you think of your nose twitch  
The one I always loved but you were so self-conscious  
I'm haunted_

_Your mama likes me and she doesn't like anyone  
Your dumb drunk friends don't care for me  
Yeah, and I always told you so_

_I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I know I'm lonely but I won't come over  
I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I really thought that I was lucky_

_I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I know I'm lonely but I won't come over  
I really thought you were my four leaf clover  
I really thought that I was lucky, fuck me_

_'Cause you shine brighter than morning  
At least I thought you did  
I carried you down the stairs every day_

"That sounds good to me. What do you think?" DJ Khaled frowned when he saw Beca's face. "Are you okay?" Beca didn't even notice she had started tearing up so she quickly wiped them away.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Theo asked, worried she wasn't.

"I said I'm fine." Beca stubbornly said out loud. "I think it sounds good. Can we just get this over with?"

_"Beca, wait!" Chloe called out as she got to Beca right before she got in a cab to leave._

_"What?" Beca groaned out with an eye roll._

_"Don't you roll your eyes at me now, Beca Mitchell."_

_"I can do what I want and that includes leaving because there's clearly nothing left for me here." Beca just wanted to get out of here. She knew she wouldn't handle seeing Chloe again well._

_"Please stay. I..." Chloe was desperate to keep Beca around. "I love you too. I have ever since I saw you at the activity's fair but I just..."_

_"But you just what?" Beca was growing more and more frustrated._

_"I don't know how to let down Chicago. I can't hurt him. I -"_

_"Have you ever thought for a second about how much this is hurting me?" Beca abruptly interrupted, failing to keep her voice steady. "Okay." She nodded. She knew she had to do this. It was for her own good. "I can't just wait around here until you make up your mind. As much as I love you, I'd rather leave now than have you choose him later. I'm sorry, Chloe, but I'm done."_

_"But Beca -"_

_"I said I'm done."_

_In the half-light, Beca looked like the shadow she's become. Hunched over the baggage she had packed, she could've been anybody and in a way, she was. Chloe took their bond for granted and in her naivety, she thought it was unbreakable. But when that cab pulled away, it wasn't only broken, but shattered into fragments more numerous than the stars._

_Chloe wanted to beg, plead, get down on her knees and tell Beca that her life there had meaning; that their love had meaning, but she knew that face. It was the one Beca wore when her ears were closed and her mind had put up barriers to all new information. So no matter what Chloe said, it would only push Beca further away._

_So when Chloe walked closer, it was with a mask of contentment. Chloe wished Beca well with the voice that came so naturally. It sounded like her but it wasn't. She was already in transition to becoming a person she never wanted to be with Chicago. The bitterness was rising like bile in Chloe's mouth and when Beca was gone, she had no reason to swallow it anymore._

_Beca spent the entire ride holding back tears._

"Beca, are you ready?" The brunette had zoned out but instantly shook it off.

"Yeah, I'm good to go." Beca needed to focus to get through this song without disintegrating into a puddle of tears.

_Shut down the gold rush in my head  
Because we're out of work  
I'm living proof of compromise  
Be back in ten with no return_

_I'm sick of being in LA  
I'm sick of everything  
I've been around enough to get used to_

_I'm proof of consequences  
And exhausted common sense  
And I kill what I built  
My commonless confidence_

_I'm two-faced from your double exposure  
Stop right there, don't come any closer  
I'm two-faced from your double exposure  
Stop right there, don't come any closer_

_I wish I was royal but I'm not  
I wish I was royal but I'm not  
I wish I was royal but I'm not_

Chloe had the power to tear down walls Beca built high and deep. Beca needed her, wanted her, loved her... but she had to walk away. In this world, emotions this strong were considered suspicious and Beca had more priorities to think about than the health of her heart and mind.

_You've painted your future  
But I'm just not in the picture  
Maybe I missed the frame  
Maybe I'm seconds late, always late_

_'Cause I work myself to death  
Don't believe me? Ask Theo  
And I'm doing alright_

_But is alright enough?  
'Cause I'm living my dream  
But I live at home  
'Cause everything is on the down low for now_

_I'm two-faced from your double exposure  
Stop right there, don't come any closer  
I'm two-faced from your double exposure  
Stop right there, don't come any closer_

_I wish I was royal but I'm not  
I wish I was royal but I'm not  
I wish I was royal but I'm not_

And now came the hardest part in Beca's mind.

_You won't like what you see  
So keep your eyes off of me  
I fall in love with everything  
That wants nothing to do with me_

_I know that there's no dealing  
With the way I'm feeling  
I'm so out of touch with everyone  
And everything's a blur to me_

Beca sighed when it was over before ending the song.

_I'm two-faced from your double exposure  
Stop right there, don't come any closer  
I'm two-faced from your double exposure  
Stop right there, don't come any closer_

_I wish I was royal but I'm not  
I wish I was royal but I'm not  
I wish I was royal but I'm not  
I wish I was royal but I'm not  
I wish I was royal but I'm not_

Both DJ Khaled and Theo gave her a smile and thumbs up when the song came to end but Beca just had to get out of there so she just rushed out of the recording studio without another word. She leaned against a wall as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and sent a quick text. She knew she had to do this. She needed closure.

Chloe was getting ready for her engagement party when a new message flashed on the screen of her phone. She did not expect this particular message and she didn't know how to feel about it either. It would definitely complicate things.

 _I'll be there._ – Beca.


	4. Chapter 4

Beca entered the bar that had been reserved for the engagement party and her eyes immediately began scanning the room for any signs of Chloe or, even worse, Chloe with Chicago.

"Beca!" The small brunette whipped around only to be pulled into a bone crushing hug by an enthusiastic Fat Amy. "I knew you'd be here. I missed you so much, shorty."

"We are not starting the night with height jokes." Beca said as she escaped her friend's grasp. "But I missed you too." Amy gave her a genuine smile. "So, have you seen -"

"You came!" Stacie called out as she approached them while holding a certain blonde's hand. "I haven't seen you in forever."

"Well, you know, I've been busy with the album and all." _And with the hours of therapy._ "But anyway, when did this happen?" Beca asked while gesturing towards Stacie and Aubrey's linked hands.

"I guess you can say I just like the way Aubrey bosses me around." Stacie answered with a proud smirk. Beca had to stifle a chuckle at how Aubrey's face turned bright red and how she nudged Stacie's shoulder. Beca really did miss all this banter.

"Even Jessica and Ashley ended up hooking up." Aubrey added, regretting mentioning that when she saw Beca's smile drop at the fact she didn't have what they did. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. I'm happy for them and for you." Beca forced a smile. She really was happy for them but still.

"Are you sure?" Aubrey questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, totally. I'm over it. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't." Beca said in the most convincing tone she could use. "Does everyone know?"

"Everyone but Chicago." Stacie mentioned with an apologetic look on her face.

"Okay, cool." Beca nodded to herself. "I need a drink." She added before sitting at the bar. "Pour me a shot." The bartender did so in a second and she downed it after it got handed to her.

"Beca?" When she heard _her_ voice, she choked on her drink and started violently coughing. "Hey, are you okay?" Beca looked up to see Chloe, concern evident on her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Beca answered after one last cough. "Hey."

"Hey." Chloe shot her a small smile. "I didn't think you were coming."

"I said I would, didn't I?" Beca raised an eyebrow, hiding behind her mask.

"Yeah, but… Forget it." A few minutes passed by without anyone saying anything. Chloe hated how weird this was. Beca felt like a stranger. She hadn't seen her in three years. "Okay, this is ridiculous. We're acting as if we've never been best friends before what happened. Can we just put it aside at least for this one night and have some fun?"

"I wouldn't have come if I wasn't all about forgiving and forgetting." Beca chuckled but it didn't come out naturally.

_Fuck. It shouldn't be this hard. Get it together, Mitchell._

"Well, that's great then." Chloe gave a wide toothy smile. Never before has Beca wanted to kiss her more than now.

_I said get it together. She doesn't want you. She wants him. She's marrying him._

"So, how's it going with the album?"

"Oh, great."

_And you made it entirely about her._

"Do you think maybe you could play some of the -"

"Hey, babe." Chicago came up from behind and pulled Chloe into a kiss. She didn't really look like she was enjoying it but that's not what Beca saw. She only saw them kiss. Again. "I've been looking for you everywhere. Do you want to dance?"

"Um, sure. Beca, are you coming?" There was something in Chloe's eyes. It looked like she was almost begging Beca to join.

"Oh, yeah. I'll be there in a minute. You guys go ahead."

"Are you sure?" There was that look again.

"I'm sure."

But she never did join them. Beca just sat at the bar and drank. She just sat there and tortured herself by watching the future married couple dance and enjoy themselves. She even snuck a couple of glances at Stacie and Aubrey, wondering what could've been if only she had confessed her feelings a lot sooner. That could've been Beca and Chloe.

She never should have come. She knew it was a bad idea. She stood up, a bit dizzy due to the amount of alcohol she had consumed, and got ready to leave until the other Bellas stood in front of her, each of the, a little drunk themselves.

"Beca, you know what would be a great idea?" Chloe slightly slurred. "If you got up on stage and sang some of your songs. No one's going to record or anything. They're all friends and family."

"I don't think that -"

"Please. Do it if you love me."

That struck a nerve in Beca.

"You know what? I'll do three." Beca said before making her way on stage, almost falling over a few times, as the Bellas anticipated what she would sing. "Everyone, shut up and listen." Those present stopped talking. "This first song was written for my friends. Listen closely because I think you guys will like it." Beca added before starting to sing.

_We always say that we'll keep in touch  
Nobody does, but it don't matter much  
One last call at the corner store  
The night's on ice if we don't score_

_One more time for second chances  
We just want to do some damage_

_So long, so nice to know ya, nice to know ya  
I'm sorry to say  
We can't go back to yesterday_

_This night is far from over, far from over  
Let's get carried away  
We can't go back to yesterday_

Even in their drunk states, Chloe and the other Bellas were beginning to pick up on the fact something was definitely wrong with Beca.

_Call out the names that you used to know  
Singing along in broken stereo  
Crossfire that you can't ignore  
I know I'm not around much anymore  
Anymore_

_One more time for second chances  
We just want to do some damage_

_So long, so nice to know ya, nice to know ya  
I'm sorry to say  
We can't go back to yesterday_

_This night is far from over, far from over  
Let's get carried away  
We can't go back to yesterday_

_One last time for old time's sake  
One more bend before we break_

_One more time as if we planned it  
We just want to do some damage_

Beca wasn't going to cry. She couldn't cry over this anymore.

_So long, so nice to know ya, nice to know ya  
I'm sorry to say  
We can't go back to yesterday_

_This night is far from over, far from over  
Let's get carried away  
We can't go back to yesterday_

_One last time for old time's sake  
One more bend before we break_

The crowd erupted in cheers while Chloe was pushing her way to the front. Beca noticed this.

"Stop right there, Chloe. I just have one more before I dedicate a song to you on this very special night. This one's for me and it's called Therapy." Chloe's face dropped when she heard the name.

_My ship went down in a sea of sound  
When I woke up alone, I had everything_

_A handful of moments I wished I could change  
And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade_

_In a city of fools, I was careful and cool  
But they tore me apart like a hurricane_

_A handful of moments I wished I could change  
But I was carried away_

_Give me therapy  
I'm a walking travesty  
But I'm smiling at everything._

_Therapy  
You were never a friend to me  
And you can keep all your misery_

A few tears had leaked out of Beca's eyes and she quickly brushed them off. But Chloe noticed.

_My lungs gave out  
As I faced the crowd  
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous_

_I'm flesh and bone  
I'm a rolling stone  
And the experts say I'm delirious_

_Give me therapy  
I'm a walking travesty  
But I'm smiling at everything_

_Therapy  
You were never a friend to me  
You can take back your misery_

At this point, the other Bellas had joined Chloe in the front.

_Arrogant girl  
Love yourself so no one has to  
They're better off without you  
They're better off without you_

_Arrogant girl  
Cause a scene like you're supposed to  
They'll fall asleep without you  
You're lucky if your memory remains_

_Give me therapy  
I'm a walking travesty  
But I'm smiling at everything_

_Therapy  
You were never a friend to me  
You can take back your misery_

_Therapy  
I'm a walking travesty  
But I'm smiling at everything_

_Therapy  
You were never a friend to me  
And you can choke on your misery_

"I saved the best for last." Beca's voice was slightly quivery. "This one's for you, Chloe." Her tone then turned dead. No emotion at all. Chloe didn't know what to feel. "I wrote this one the day I left. I was drunk but you know how this say your drunk self reveals a lot about you."

_Dealing with this shit sober's got me fucked up  
I know it's hard but is all love tough love?  
Anxiety is real, depression's very heavy  
I wear them both inside my hoodie, wear them out to get me_

_You wanna get drunk so you can't remember nothing  
It was me or whiskey, now you're pissed I wasn't bluffing  
Fuck it, took a couple shots, don't you dare fucking miss me  
Miss unfaithful hit the backboard breaking bedsprings_

Beca wasn't the only one tearing up this time.

_So delete us from your phone and never look back  
Fuck you and your friends and LA, you know I mean that  
I, I think you're the worst of them  
Think you're the worst of them all_

_I think you're the worst, yeah  
I think you're the worst of them all  
I think you're the worst, yeah  
I think you're the worst of them all_

"What is she talking about?" Chicago asked. Chloe didn't answer. No one did. They all just watched. They watched Beca pouring her heart out.

_Am I dealing with a break up or a breakdown?  
Nights never been so loud without your voice's sound  
You want a boss or a fucking white boy with a six pack?  
Oh, what's that?_

_You had much better but fucked around  
I'd buy you everything on solid ground, yeah  
I'm a poet and you know it, I'm a business, steady growing  
Didn't wanna listen but you proved them right  
I watched you blow it, fuck it_

_So delete us from your phone and never look back  
Fuck you and your friends and LA, you know I mean that  
I, I think you're the worst of them  
Think you're the worst of them_

_So delete us from your phone and never look back  
Fuck you and your friends and LA, you know I mean that  
I, I think you're the worst of them  
Think you're the worst of them all_

_I think you're the worst of them all  
I think you're the worst of them_

_Think you're the worst of them all  
I think you're the worst of them  
Think you're the worst of them all  
I think you're the worst of them all_

After that, Beca basically stumbled her way off stage with as she wiped away her tears clearly in frustration. Everyone was quiet except for Chloe who was about to run after her but instead Chicago grabbed her and turned her around to face him.

"You want to tell me what the hell's going on?" Chicago said, confused for obvious reasons.

_It's now or never._

"I kissed her." Chicago furrowed his eyebrows. "I kissed her the day you moved in. She left because of you. She left because of us. She left because I might've made the biggest mistake in my life by choosing to stay with you when I knew how she felt and I felt the same way about her." Chloe slid the engagement ring off her finger and placed it in Chicago's hand. "I'm sorry but I can't do this. You're a great guy but I just can't keep living a lie. You're not the one I'm in love with. I love _her_ and she has to know that. I need to fix this."

Chicago didn't even get a second to protest as Chloe ran out the door in hopes of maybe catching up to Beca and make things right. She expected to see Beca angry. Or maybe even sad. But Chloe didn't expect to find a man with a gun pointed right at Beca.

A few minutes later, a shot rang out.


	5. Chapter 5

_This wasn't supposed to happen to her._

That sentence kept repeating itself in Beca's mind. What happened kept replaying in her mind like a broken record and she felt herself lose small bits of sanity with every passing second as she paced back and forth in the hospital's waiting room, trying to ignore the stains of blood that coated both her hands and clothes. The stains of Chloe's blood to be exact.

_This wasn't supposed to happen to her._

"Beca!" She spun around to be engulfed in a warm embrace by Aubrey and soon enough the remaining Bellas who had just arrived.

Once they pulled away all at once, Stacie giving Beca's arm a reassuring squeeze in the process, they took in the smaller girl's appearance. The first thing they noticed was obviously the heavy amount of blood but it clearly wasn't hers. She wouldn't just be standing around in the waiting room if it was.

Beca didn't seem to be in a drunken state anymore but her hair was slightly disheveled and the fact she looked exhausted was an understatement. Her eyes looked red and puffy as if she had been crying for hours.

"Beca, what happened?" Emily asked with a frown on her face. She had been puking her guts out in the bathroom when everything went down and the other Bellas got so lost in all the craziness outside of the bar that they only heard a gunshot and saw Beca enter the back of an ambulance in hysterics.

"It should've been me." Beca finally choked out, her tone as dead as she felt inside, her eyes trained down.

"Stop that. I'm not letting you do this. I'm doing a better job at looking out for you this time." Stacie spoke up, catching Beca's attention as she looked up. "Now tell us what happened."

"Okay." Beca took a deep breath and started recounting the last hour's events. "I left the bar because I was pissed and drunk for obvious reasons." Some of them nodded in understanding and the others just looked down in shame because none of them were there for Beca. "I bumped into some guy and told him to watch where he was going but then he pulled a gun on me. He looked 17 or something and I'm pretty sure he was drunk too. Anyway he threatened to pull the trigger if I didn't watch my mouth but I wasn't really thinking clearly because I just provoked him even more and that's when Chloe…" Beca trailed. She didn't know how to continue. But she didn't have to.

"Chloe took the bullet for you, didn't she?" Aubrey asked with tears brewing at the corners of her eyes. Beca tried to use her words to answer but she just broke down on the spot, reliving the memory.

_As soon as Chloe collapsed on the sidewalk, blood leaking out of her chest, Beca raced towards her in a panicked state and got her knees right beside the redhead, clearly on the verge of tears. The shooter had already disappeared and Beca had no idea what to do._

_Chloe's eyes were closed shut and there was blood everywhere. Beca started shaking her unconscious friend as much as she could in hopes of waking her up but it was no use._

_"Chloe, please stay with me." Beca's voice was quivery and shaky. There was so much emotion behind it. "This isn't the end for you. You are not dying because I don't know how to keep my mouth shut." At this point, Beca could barely form words._

_"You have to wake up because you're getting married to someone who knows how to take care of you and your future kids because I know how much you want to have some." Beca slightly chuckled at the memory of Chloe going on and on about how much she'd love to have kids but it felt bitter sweet because Beca had always pictured her and Chloe doing it together._

_"I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner and I let you slip away. These past few years have been hell without you but at least I knew you were happy and healthy and… alive." Beca let out a forced sob at the last word. "Dude, I love you, okay? I love you so much and you just can't leave me. Not like this." Beca choked out with tears in her eyes._

_Beca knew it wasn't the right moment at all for this but she had to do it. She leaned down slowly and her lips eventually met Chloe's for the first time in 3 years. The only difference is this time she didn't feel Chloe kiss back and instead of her lips feeling warm with a taste of mint, it felt cold mixed in with salty tears that had made their way down Beca's cheeks._

_The small brunette was so caught up in the moment that when she pulled back she felt arms lift her up and once she looked around, hers eyes caught an ambulance, police cars and a bunch of random people looking on, some that she recognized from the bar but her vision was blurry due to all the tears that she had shed._

_Beca looked back at Chloe to find paramedics placing her on a stretcher and wheeling her into the ambulance. So, she quickly entered the back of the ambulance, insisting she stayed. By the looks of it, the paramedics just didn't have the heart to protest so she went along with them._

Beca wore herself out so much emotionally due to all the crying that she passed out and was now fast asleep. All the Bellas were sat on the uncomfortable hospital chairs, an unconscious Beca held by Stacie, waiting to hear news on Chloe's condition.

"What if she doesn't make it?" Aubrey asked, her eyes still locked ahead in case any doctor approached them.

"She will." Stacie simply answered.

"But what if she doesn't?" Aubrey questioned again.

No one had the time to answer because as soon as the words left the blonde's mouth, they heard a doctor calling out those present for Chloe Beale, waking up Beca in the process. They all rushed towards him, clearly stressed by the whole situation.

"What happened? Is she okay?" Beca desperately asked.

"I'm Doctor Daniels and I'm part of the trauma team. Right now, Chloe is in critical condition. The bullet missed her heart but it transacted some major pulmonary vessels. There's a lot of bleeding in her chest. We're still trying to stabilize her."

They all looked taken aback by the doctor's statement. They never expected something like this to happen. Especially not tonight.

"But is she…" Beca held back a sob. "Will she be alright?"

"Honestly? We don't know yet." They nodded, still shocked by this turn of events. "You're Beca Mitchell, right?"

"Yes, I am." The brunette frowned, wondering how the doctor recognized her.

"You were Miss Beale's emergency contact. There was no need for us to call since you were already here in the first place but I just wanted to make sure." The doctor said before leaving a very confused and distraught Beca.

_I was her emergency contact?_

The Bellas were silent for about 30 minutes. That was when the doctor returned with new information.

"So, the good news is that she's stabilized." They all took a deep breath, finally feeling relieved for the first time since this whole mess started. "We were able to get her into imaging and the CT scan showed that she had an aortic dissection which we can manage medically."

"Oh, thank god." Aubrey breathed out and it felt so good.

"But the problem is the bullet passed through the chest cavity and landed near her spine. Right now, there is considerable swelling."

"What… What does that mean?" Emily was almost too scared to know the answer.

"Well, there are two options. Neither's perfect." Their faces dropped but kept listening attentively. "We can take the approach where we treat her with steroids and see if it works but if it doesn't, she risks loss of function. Possibly, from the waist down."

_I swear to god if the second option isn't better._

"Or, we can try to operate to clear the bone fragments and relieve the pressure on her spinal cord. This offers slightly better odds on the paralysis front but, she's in critical condition. The surgery comes with real risks." The doctor then turned to face Beca who had been struggling to keep a strong appearance during this entire conversation. "Her parents aren't picking up and she didn't have a ring on her finger when she came in so we doubt she's either married or engaged. You are her emergency contact so we think you're the one who should make this decision."

The Bellas turned to look at Beca, knowing how hard this must be for her and that she was probably barely keeping it together. The short girl was still trying to process all this information but she knew she had to make a decision fast. Do it for Chloe.

_I really hope I won't regret this later._

"I think you should go through with the surgery." Beca eventually said, sounding so sure of herself even though she really wasn't.

"Okay. Would you like to see her first?" Beca immediately nodded as the doctor led her the way. The Bellas didn't follow. They knew Beca needed some alone time with Chloe after this mess.

Beca slowly entered the hospital room, desperately trying to keep it together as her eyes fell on Chloe's body laying unconscious on the bed, her chest rising every once in a while to indicate she was still breathing. Beca approached the bed and linked Chloe's hand with hers, clearing her throat to sound less upset than she truly was.

"Hey." Beca slightly smiled to herself to lighten the mood. "So, you're about to have surgery but I'm not here to say goodbye because this isn't the end for you. You're gonna wake up and you're going to be okay." Beca took a deep inhaled breath before continuing.

"You know not all the songs on the album are to talk crap about you and how messed things were. One of them is actually a song I wrote while we were still living together actually and I'm gonna sing it to you right now whether you can hear me or not because I just really need to get this out. It seems fitting for a situation like this anyway and the irony of it is bittersweet I guess."

_If you died I'd hope you'd haunt me  
'Cause you know I'd miss you bad  
There's something I haven't told before_

_And if I left I'd hope you'd stop me  
And kick my boxes from the left  
Keep me 'round to see what I'd endure_

_'Cause I'm dying to be your everything, everything_

_You know I'll always be around  
I'd never I'd never I'd never leave you hanging out to dry  
Because the world's gonna pass me by_

_But if you wanted, I'd never I'd never I'd never leave your leave your side  
I'd never I'd never I'd never leave you out to dry  
I'd never I'd never I'd never get you off my mind_

_When you're out I miss you badly  
And write you songs like this today  
There's something I haven't told before_

_You stopped me in my tracks  
_ _You caught me in a gaze  
_ _It's one of the things that I just can't help these days_

_'Cause I'm dying to be your everything, everything_

_You know I'll always be around  
I'd never I'd never I'd never leave you hanging out to dry  
Because the world's gonna pass me by_

_But if you wanted, I'd never I'd never I'd never leave your leave your side  
I'd never I'd never I'd never leave you out to dry  
I'd never I'd never I'd never get you off my mind_

_If there ever came a dark day  
That crushed us out and took you away  
I'd chase you to the end  
I'd chase you to the end of the world_

_You know I'll always be around  
I'd never I'd never I'd never leave you hanging out to dry  
Because the world's gonna pass me by_

_But if you wanted, I'd never I'd never I'd never leave your leave your side_  
I'd never I'd never I'd never leave you out to dry  
I'd never I'd never I'd never get you off my mind

"And I really never did get you off my mind." Beca added, failing to keep the tears at bay.


	6. Chapter 6

"How is she?" Aubrey asked as soon as Beca came back with a blank expression on her face and puffy red eyes.

"She's alive. For now at least." Beca answered in a stale tone.

"And in terms of physical appearance?" Stacie added but Beca simply ignored the question and once again sat back down on one of the chairs.

The other girls went back to their chairs to continue waiting, figuring they wouldn't get anything out of Beca at the moment. They all went back except for Stacie and Aubrey who both sat next to Beca. The shorter brunette eventually spoke.

"You know you don't have to stay, right? I'll be fine here by myself. You shouldn't have to stress over a dumb mistake I made when you probably have better things to do." Beca sighed, looking down as she swung her legs.

"We don't." Stacie immediately said. "Besides, I already called Bella's babysitter and she said she wouldn't mind taking care of her for a bit longer."

"Suit yourself." Beca sighed as she leaned back in her chair.

"So, Beca…" Aubrey turned to the smaller girl. "Are all of the songs on the album like that? About what happened?"

"Most of them are but there are about 20 songs on there so that would be too much. It was supposed to be less but Khaled liked my stuff so much that we're now on that number. I don't even know how that's possible." Beca let out a small smile, showing she was proud of herself.

"That's amazing! I can't wait to hear it all." Stacie stated, just as proud as Beca.

"You could listen to a song if you want? I started writing this one before the whole incident and continued it after so there are some changes to the original version. And it isn't a negative description of Chloe. Kinda. Khaled didn't want the whole album to be about one thing." Beca said before handing Stacie and Aubrey two different ear buds and clicked on the recording of the song she had on her phone.

_I wanna live life with heavy '11 vibes  
We didn't have approval before label signs  
Multiple times_

_I can't wait for the complaints about cut vocals and pop  
'Cause y'all are stuck in the past  
And I've got a crystal ball_

_"Nobody wants to hear you cry about your break up so drop it"  
Well, that's fine too because I'm fucking sick of talking about it  
Let's talk about shows and ghosts and shows and clothes  
designs and shows and shows… (okay I think you might be right)_

_See, I'm like you without good moods and  
My cave's my room where I'll cave too  
Yeah, I'm like you without good moods  
And you'll be sorry when you come to_

_Lose your mind_

_I treat walking the plank  
Like I'm jumping off a diving board  
Listening to The Latest Plague  
I breathe nostalgia until I'm bored_

_I can't just give a love song  
Without a bitter aftertaste  
I'm afraid to dive headfirst  
And crack my brain out of its cage_

_It's harder than it should be  
For me to be straightforward  
Like even when I did  
I couldn't tell her I adored her_

_Which I know is messed up  
And I know I messed up  
But at least I 'fessed up  
Now of course it's too late_

_See, I'm like you without good moods and  
My cave's my room where I'll cave too  
Yeah, I'm like you without good moods  
And you'll be sorry when you come to_

_Lose your mind_

_I could live on a life raft next to you  
I would swim if it keeps me close to you  
If you fall I'll swim right back to you  
I could live on a life raft next to you_

_I've been building this island every day  
Waiting for the right time to get away  
Every day, I'm more numb to the Sad Game  
So I'll just live on this island until I break_

_See, I'm like you without good moods and  
My cave's my room where I'll cave too  
Yeah, I'm like you without good moods  
And you'll be sorry when you come to_

_Lose your mind_

_I could live on a life raft next to you  
I would swim if it keeps me close to you  
If you fall I'll swim right back to you  
I could live on a life raft next to you_

_I've been building this island every day  
Waiting for the right time to get away  
Every day, I'm more numb to the Sad Game  
So I'll just live on this island until I break_

As the song came to an end, Aubrey and Stacie took their ear buds out. Beca was a little nervous for their reactions because even though they haven't been there for her in a while, she still considered them her close friends and she cared about their opinions. Especially Aubrey's since she was critical and would definitely give her a no nonsense thoughtful answer.

"Beca, that was amazing." Aubrey proudly said with a wide smile on her face. "I mean what you did live at the bar was great but this arrangement? I absolutely love it."

"Couldn't have said it better myself." Stacie added.

Just as Beca was about to thank them, they saw a nurse headed their way, probably sent by the doctor currently operating on Chloe to give them an update on her condition or something. They all raced towards her, startling her in the process.

"Listen." The nurse stopped them. "She's still in surgery. I was just sent here to ask you something." She had their attention. "They found some faded bruises on her body and they look like they went untreated. Would any of you possibly be aware of the cause?"

Well, the fact this was unexpected is an understatement. They were ready to answer anything but that. They all exchanged confused glances before turning to the nurse and shaking their heads no, prompting her to nod and go back to where she came from.

"Okay, what the hell was that?" Beca exclaimed from the center of the group. She was just as confused as everybody else concerning the bruises.

"I have no idea." Aubrey simply answered.

"Yeah, Chloe never said anything about any bruises." Stacie mentioned.

"Maybe she just fell once and didn't tell any of us." Emily suggested and they all nodded, buying the story. Beca, whoever, wasn't having any of it. Aubrey as well from the looks of it. Something else had to have happened.

Sadly, they had no choice but to wait. Again. Wait and hope Chloe would make it out alive in better condition obviously. They would all be heavily affected if she didn't but no one more than Beca. And not just because she'd constantly blame herself, but also because of her history with Chloe.

Hours passed and the nurse once again reemerged in the waiting room as they all hurried towards the woman.

_She's smiling. That's a good sign, right?_

"The surgery went well." They all let out the biggest breath of relief, none bigger than Beca who was already on the verge of tearing up. "We got the bullet fragments and she's already showing signs of movement in her lower body."

They all slightly cheered while Beca remained stunned with a wide smile across her face. While most of them were crying of relief, she just smiled because that's what she imagined Chloe would predict she'd be doing. Always wanting to be the strong one.

_"What do you mean you don't cry?" Chloe asked the brunette. "Like how can you never cry?"_

_"I just don't." Beca answered in a teasing manner._

_"Oh, shut up." Chloe laughed as she lightly nudged Beca. "Everybody cries at some point."_

_"Trust me. You'll be dead before you catch me crying in front of you."_

_"Beca Mitchell, always wanting to be the strong one, huh?"_

Beca chuckled at the sweet bitterness of that memory and the irony of it. She looked at the nurse who motioned towards the room Chloe was in. Beca turned back to see her friends still being all emotional and stuff. Not her thing. She figured she might as well visit Chloe first whether she's awake or not. She expected the redhead to still be sleeping peacefully.

What Beca didn't expect, however, was to find Chicago in the room with Chloe.


End file.
